The Magic Of The Sun…On Monsters

Oct 19, 2009 | No Comments | @andrewmarcec

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As  October progresses I’m starting to see inklings of excitement in people of all ages.  With the release of “Paranormal Activity” finally releasing nationwide, and more and more people willing to watch anything horror related because the mindset is only on scares, I think it’s time to get into some Halloween themed posts.

As everyone who reads these blogs knows I will watch just about anything, 90% of everything being b quality horror films that people have never heard of.  As I screen more and more horror films I’ve noticed that no matter what the villain,  they almost all have similar ways of being destroyed.  One of which is the sun.

The sun brings light and warmth to the Earth.  It’s rays are now powering society more and more, it helps us keep great stock of vegetation, and all that vitamin D can’t be bad.  However there is a dark side to the sun’s beauty.  It’s hot, solar flares could disrupt the electrical grids of the world, and too much sun can cause for imbalances in crops.  However, one property the sun has that has been overlooked by scientists, but over explored by filmmakers is its magic.

How is the sun magic, you ask?  It’s simple…the sun has the ability to make anything evil explode!

From vampires to monsters the sun has been destroying evil for years, but what makes the sun’s magic work only on evil beings?  I have a theory.

In horror films, evil lurks mostly in the dark.  They hide in the shadows and prey on the fear that we have.  Let’s face it, anyone who is smart is afraid of the dark, but not the dark itself, we are afraid of what is out there waiting.  In the sun, they are powerless.  We can see them, fight them, find their weakness, or mock them (if you fight monsters not with sticks and stones, but with words).

But fire and explosions?  That seems like a very odd way for the sun to react to evil.  I agree, but I have a theory I’m submitting to top scientists.  I think evil is like a highly concentrated aerosol can of Soft Scrub or Whipped Cream.  Their contents are under immense pressure and should not be subjected to heat above room temperature.  The monster that that aerosol can is inside of has an invisible, evil finger that is permanently pressing the spray nosel.  This allows for a constant stream of evil to be released into the body of the evil minion.  In the dark, this can stays at a perfect room temperature, but as the sun warms the evil minions body, the can heats up…too hot.  The heat and pressure becomes too much and the can explodes, killing the minion in several ways.

1. Fire

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2. Explosion

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3. Melting

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So remember, when next battling for all that is good and right in the world, or more simply your virginity (yeah, they love virgins), remember the sun is your friend, and to alway replace the top on your Soft Scrub can.

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